Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My Old-School Ways to Keep A Happy Married Life

Having almost three jobs to fulfill--my daytime job which is co-managing the family business, my own entreprenurial adventures, and my online jobs, I sometimes wonder where to get the energy to at least keep in touch with the marriage department. I often feel guilty that most of the time it has to take the back seat to make way to some as equally important concerns. In hard times like this, with the word "recession" always heard in the news and read in the papers, one cannot deny the fact that money is much harder to earn now a days so one has to strive harder than the usual. Unfortunately, I am not an Ayala or an Ortigas to take things just as lightly, and my husband is not a Sy or a Gokongwei either. My hubby is earning enough for the two of us, most of the time earning more than enough when he gets bonuses and the like, but with a baby coming up, my being a segurista cannot help but panic and worry on where to get moolah for the future of this baby.

But married life definitely has not to suffer. For I believe that you can have all the money in the world, but if you have a failed marriage and a lonely life, you simply still do not have it all. My marriage is still my topmost priority, no matter what. And i know some days i tend to neglect it, but most of the time i nurture it as a baby. It does not have to be as stressfull, for there are simple ways to keep a happily married life. These are old-school ways, you may say, but still very powerful in keeping the marriage happier and stronger.

1. I am polite.
I believe that most people, especially those who are married for like ten, twenty years, tend to forget to be polite. I, up to this date, never fail to say "thank you" or "please" to my hubby. And i even say "sorry" if needed. No matter how small it is, I never failed to be polite to him. And I couple it with some sweetness and tenderness, making it really sincere and truthfull to hear. My husband, in return, does the same and sometimes even more. He still opens the door for me, goes to the danger side when we are crossing the street and pulls out the chair for me. They may seem so traditional, but being polite shows that the respect is still there and we both care how the other feels.

2. I do not end the day angry.
I believe that time is gold. Okay, it's a cliche. But going to bed angry just eats up a lot of precious time that could be spent to some other valuable and quality bonding. I finish my work at around 8pm, and my husband finishes around that time too. Imagine the measly time left for us to be together and talk about how the day was. Time left for us is too short, too short to even argue over things, and worst, go to bed angry at each other. So what I do, I finish any argument as fast as I could, just sticking to the issue. It's faster that way. If there is no way we can really wrap it up and finish it, we would agree to sleep it over first and talk it over the following day, without setting an angry mood. It also helps in clearing the mind, making us more relaxed when we proceed with the talking.

3. There are My Love Letters.
In this world full of high tech communication, who still writes love letters? I do! Yes, i do and I am proud of it. The letters I write are small notes just to remind him how happy I am that he is my husband, that I am such a lucky wife to have him. It's often a surprise note for him, often found in places he never expects. Like a letter sticking in the television set, for the first thing he does when he wakes up is to turn on the TV. Something like that. Or letter of reminders, like the one i stick in the dash shield reminding him to drive safely on his way to work. Just like last month when he went to Hongkong, I put love notes in different pockets of his travelling bag, making him find one note everyday. He enjoyed it, it was like a hunt. And his anticipation offinding a new note each day made him miss me more. Yes, text messages still reign, but writing love letters is still the best to assure someone how we deeply love them.

4. I compliment him.
Saying "you look cute on your new haircut" makes him feel secured and confident, but really, there is a deeper meaning to giving a compliment. Compliments show that you are in tune with your spouse, that he has your 100 percent attention. For you cannot give a SINCERE compliment if you do not know everything going on with him, like a new haircut for example. It means that you always notice him, that you are always connected to him. But of course pumping up his confidence is a major plus point, making him not want to get compliment from someone else.

5. I hold his hands.
Whether in private or in public, i never fail to seek for his hand and hold it. It may be in the mall, or simply when he's driving. Even when we are sleeping. It makes me feel secured, and it fully expresses our affection to each other.


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